It is winter – no getting around that. There’s no color left on the trees; all the leaves are turning to mush on the ground. It’s dark when I get up and dark when I go to bed and the in between is low light. Except for a few very welcome “sun breaks,” when the air is crisp and the light so sharp and clear the sky turns deep blue.
Those are the times I make a break from the house and get some fresh air. And if it’s not too cold, will actually crack the windows a bit to get some of that freshness back in the house.
This morning, the clouds are hanging very low and it poured all night, drumming down on the metal roof. That’s a sound I enjoy, evoking memories of tropical rains and steamy nights.
So what’s happening in my life?
Not much has changed and yet a lot has changed – in my mind, I think.
Up until just very recently, I was very angry about the way my life has turned out, with a lot of blame being directed at a certain person. I didn’t feel good about it; it goes against my nature. So I started a meditation program Betsy told me about, the Deepak Chopra 21 day Meditation Challenge. The focus is Abundance, and heaven knows I need all I can get! But what it has revealed to me is that I am surrounded by so much abundance in so many areas of my life, and that if circumstances had been different, perhaps I wouldn’t have seen this.
I am only lacking in one area – money – but what has happened is this.
I have always, for as long as I can remember, done everything for myself, been self sufficient, a survivor, you name it. I didn’t need anyone else and a lot of the time, being that way has been a necessity, given the past relationship. But I have found that there is a huge amount of help out there – if I just surrender the control and ask for it. And understand that the safety nets are there for a reason.
The metaphysical “Ask and it is given” actually works. The hardest part for me is asking – for help, for assistance, for anything. In some cases, it’s not the result of “please may I have” but more a flow of abundance, stuff, etc that shows up.
For instance, since I landed back up here in the Northwest:
- I have my house (at least for a while) by working with the lender and negotiating new terms
- Dear Bill has loaned me the Leaky Beasty Jeep to get around in
- The loan modification on the Port Angeles house is being finalized; the tenants are paying regularly and finally! changed the utilities to their name
- It looks like I can get a loan mod on the condo and even though the (almost) original lender changed the locks, the new loan people paid to have the locks changed and gave me the keys so I can get it rented out. This will make it more attractive to the lender and hopefully easier for the modification
- Because I have so little cash (but am blessed with what I do get) I asked for, and now receive assistance with my heating bill (no cold nights here) and food. And, very important, my doctor and medical is covered 100 percent as I am so low down on the payment sliding scale that I qualify for care. And not just a clinic. I get to go to my own doctor and any others and the hospital in the group
- My photos are selling on the stock photos sites; not enough to change the status quo, but a nice boost to the ego
- I picked up the Editor position for Harbors Magazine and Around the Pacific Northwest. Again not big on financial abundance, but a nice credit on my resume
- Hinckley and Buddy are healthy and a great source of comfort. What would I do without my boys?
- And yesterday, my Mother’s Day gift from Ryan arrived. A brand new iPhone 5, just in the nick of time as my old Blackberry was about to give up the ghost
And although I had absolutely no intention of being here, especially through another winter, I am actually feeling good about it. Ryan is healthy and doing well in his job which he loves. His relationship with Les is wonderful. Cody and Mel and the little boys are happy and Cody moving forward with his Paramedic training which he starts in January. And loving his EMT/firefighter job. “It’s the best job in the world. I get to help people all day long,” he said.
So I would say I have things pretty good. My friends are close by (perhaps not close enough, given that I live at the end of the world) and family is within easy flight. Some of them anyway. I have Skype and FaceTime for those out of driving range.
I better go meditate now so I can fill in the abundance gap, or perhaps what I perceive as a gap. Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise. I guess sometimes it just takes some of us longer to get it.